Learning to Let Go

As I approach the start date of my new job, I couldn’t help tonight but reflect on the tumultuous four months I spent job hunting.  In the process of cleaning out my Gmail inbox, I came across emails from recruiters, hiring managers and people from my network.  Thinking about how some opportunities led to the end of the interview process with no offer, those that ended after the first phone screen, a few where the recruiter or hiring manager went dark, or others that invariably brought me to interviews that were a complete waste of my time – I was either uninterested in the position, or my skill set was clearly not a match for what was “eventually” advertised; some recruiters looking for quick commission couldn’t even be bothered to review my resume.

During my reflection, my thoughts brought me back to my previous employer.  I recalled the three managers I had in a years time, the last one I most certainly hold a high level of contempt for.  Thinking about the diminished savings, the stress of the job search, the sleepless nights and the anxiety that led me to imagine losing my home, the anger began to build.  I cursed his name, thought about how I could develop a network to ruin his reputation and sully his name – even imagining violence against him should our paths cross.

And then suddenly a calmness fell over me.  I realized that I had won.  I had survived this period of tribulation.  I don’t understand it and may never fully comprehend it – but there is a reason I went through this period.  God is preparing me for something bigger.  I stand here today with greater strength and faith than I had in late April when I found out I was being placed on a Performance Plan – ultimately leading to my resignation.  I have the strength in knowing I can overcome periods of uncertainty.  And I have clarity in what I want in my career and what I will not settle for.  One day if I ever see my former manager just maybe I may thank him for all that transpired.  I’m far from being at that place right now, but my reflection ultimately concluded with a exhale – I can finally let go of a turbulent summer and move forward into autumn with a sense of encouragement and purpose.